My little chihuahua Portia is 16 and a half years old. She has dementia and sometimes has trouble remembering even me. Despite her outrageously increased appetite she is fading away to a skeleton loosely draped in skin. After a series of possible strokes she seems to have trouble eating, Richo suggested I feed her with a teaspoon so three times a day I hand feed my ancient baby, since Portia and I embarked on this mealtime ritual she has put on weight. She is still thin but improving. This week she has had some pretty horrible nights, I am surprised each morning she is still with us. Her annual checkups and vaccinations with our vet indicate she has the 'heart of a puppy' I think that little heart is beating longer than her other organs would like. I spent a whole morning this week agonising over whether to take her for her final car trip to the vets. Richo questioned if I was trying so hard for her sake or mine. I keep maintaining that unless she is in pain I will keep her comfortable, trouble is, she can't tell me if she is in pain and just when I think it's time, she rallies. She can hardly walk very far but every time there something new she makes a beeline for it. I unravelled the vacuum cord, she headed into the middle of it and got stuck. She walked off the edge of the lawn and fell into the garden, instead of walking back out she just stood there, awaiting rescue. I need some sleep, her turns are scary, sometimes she has a gagging sound in her throat, other times she drinks water until she vomits, she isn't diabetic, she seems to have lost her manners regarding her toilet training, she has forgotten all of her favourite words. She has failed so fast it's hard to accept. These turns involve her tongue going ever so slightly blue, twitching, throwing her front left leg up when she walks, like a goose step, but the most frightening is the look on her face, momentarily her eyes go into a diamond shape with a high point in the centre of her upper eyelid which makes her whites of her eyes visible above the iris. She doesn't seem to see anything during these episodes which range from a few seconds to several minutes. I wish I knew what was happening. I know if I take her to the vet, he will tell me something I don't want to hear. How on earth will I know when she has had enough. If my love for her would keep her alive she would live forever, unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I guess little Portie and I are in for another long night. I can only hug her and reasure her, comfort her and try and help her recover from these horrible episodes.
Here she is running with the other girls when she turned 16 and now in 6 short months, she has lost all of her vim and vigour
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